Mister London

Sevilla, January 29th 2023

So here I am in Sevilla, writing another letter, another story. And this one is extra special. Not only is this story deeply personal, it also has an open ending. I am literally taking you with me while a story is unfolding. Neither you nor I know how this story will end. In other words: it is a story in the making.

Just like the great poets teach us: Life is about the journey, not the destination.

For those who missed my previous letter ... When I was in London just over 2 weeks ago, I decided to give the online dating scene another go. I did not expect much. To be fully honest I was preparing for drama, trolls and a waste of my time. But somehow it gave me something else. The beginning of a lovestory ...

What you give is what you get.

Being back in Sevilla feels so good. A city I have spend my summer and left just 5 months ago. Sitting here in my Airbnb listening to silence, made me think about the amount of personal growth I have experienced. The person I was one year ago is but a fraction compared to the person I am today.

On the plane to Spain, I spent about 30 minutes browsing through my pictures of 2022. I caught myself smiling and feeling so grateful for everything and everyone that crossed my path. I have learned so much, I felt so much and I worked a lot on myself. I wanted to live with an open heart and thus I exposed myself to situations so I could practice vulnerability, resilience and optimism.

And just like that, love found me.

It’s funny how just one year ago I left for Peru to chase a love story. And with that, I stepped into the lifestyle that I've always wanted. A lifestyle that my business is providing for. Or at least, that is the plan. Radical freedom. And even though I am still learning how to keep it sustainable, I will never settle for less.

One year ago, around this time, I took a stand for romance. I took a stand for my desires. I took a stand for my dreams. Many called me brave. But what I felt was fear, insecurity, self-doubt and unsafety.

Today I realize that those emotions helped me grow self worth, trust, determination and confidence. I raised the bar, I kept my standards high and I figured it out along the way.

Allowing myself to take a jump without a plan helped me to learn that I am enough. I learned that my dreams are worth pursuing and that whatever happens I will always find a way.

We matched in London and now he is flying to Spain.

I LOVE how life has a sense of humour. Last year I was so excited to write my love story. One that spoke about crossing oceans, rooftop magic and adventurous hikes in the mountains. But that story took a different turn and I had to let it go. The story I wanted was not the one that was unfolding.

Now, one year later, I am being given the opportunity to start again. Only this time, I am showing-up differently. I am being challenged to be open, to surrender and to trust.

Firstly, the one thing I swore I would never use as an introduction, happened. WE MET ONLINE. Not on a plane, not on the dancefloor, not in a bar, not on a hike. Nope, this story has a different beginning! We met through a dating app and the bohemian in me is still processing this reality.

And that's not all. Everything about dating mister London is opposite to what I envisioned. For instance, our first date was not in a nice restaurant, where he wined and dined me. No sir. It was on a Wednesday evening, at my mothers kitchen table over zoom. It was 10pm, I was in my pajamas with no make-up. And he was late!

Nonetheless, we spoke for over 3h. And the only reason why we called it a night was because we were being responsible and considerate towards each other. His eyes caught my attention and the way he stirs a conversation just makes me feel calm and comfortable. Like he knows what to say and when.  

Fear always comes with an invitation.

The morning after “date night” I felt anxious. I started questioning the intensity and his intentions. I started to be afraid he might be a manipulator. What if he is a narcissist? This feels too good. Maybe he is lovebombing me. The scars on my heart were screaming to be heard.

But I learned that fear always comes with an invitation. So I asked myself: "What I am being invited to learn here?" How can we change the outcome by changing how we show-up?

You know that you are falling for somebody when your fears are on high alert. And how you show-up for them, makes all the difference in the world. You can not numb fear, you have to move through fear. So I try really hard not to overthink things, but communicate more to him. I am not second-guessing myself but choose to just go with the flow for a change.

He is getting the benefit of the doubt. I am approaching him with my heart wide open. I stopped looking for evidence to reinforce the fears I have. And it is very scary! But worth every minute and moment. Because until this day all the above has been well received.

We all experience fears. We are all being held back by limiting beliefs. We all are triggered at times. But when you choose to not hide, you are able to build a safe foundation. Not just for each other but also for yourself. And in my case, there is no “losing myself” anymore. There is only sharing in the most profound way.

Next week he will fly to Spain and spend the week there. What will happen is as big of a mystery to you as it is to me. Because let's face it, we have never met. But I wanted to share this story. Because it shows that when you show-up for yourself and your desires, when you approach life with an open heart and when you move through fears … magic finds you.

Is he the man I will settle for?

A question many asked me. But I don't know the answer. Neither does he. But we both know what we feel. We have a magnetic pull towards each other. So we agreed to show-up for it and figure-out what it means while enjoying good food and great wine close to the beach.

So here is a little reminder for all of us: Whenever you follow your heart, having doubts is normal. Being afraid is normal. But don’t let it stop you from believing in magic.

I'm excited to write about what is next. And I already know for a fact that the unfolding of this story will have chapters that include boarding planes, boats and managing logistics. Because I truly believe that when soulmates meet, there is nothing that will stop them from being together.

But no matter how this story goes, I will keep being me, traveling the globe, chasing my dreams and he wouldn't want it any other way.

With love.